Daily soaps are a common way to pass the slow trudging hours of the day for many Indian women (and men) despite their ridiculous nature in many respects. In fact, the reason for their immense popularity might actually be the bizarre way in which they modify every day normal things into an elaborate dramatic establishment. In a way, the over dramatization of everything on daily soaps provides an escape from the monotony of life for the viewers. Here’s a look at how weird real life would be if it were actually like the soaps that are pretending to be realistic.
1. Makeup would be a second skin
Has anyone ever noticed that the women on daily soaps are ALWAYS decked up with makeup worthy of attending a wedding? It doesn’t matter whether they were labouring away in the kitchen or even if they’ve just woken up, their makeup is always on point.
2. Tears and crying would be the soundtrack of the season
With great drama comes a great rush of tears, even if they’re fake. It doesn’t matter what occasion, the event is incomplete without a few faces tearing up in the background. The emotions encompassed in this one action range from happiness to sadness to grief, anger and pretty much everything on the human emotional spectrum.
3. Speaking everything thrice is a must
This is the most iconic feature of soaps. When you want to get your point across you don’t say a single thing once or twice, you repeat it as many times as you possibly can. And you even follow up your dramatic declarations and accusations with large cinematic pauses and stares to build the tension.
4. There’s terrible background music
Not good ol’ rock and roll or the funky beats of a hip hop number, instead all you’d have following your every act and statement is the dramatic soap opera music that has increasingly become the most irritating sound ever. Not only that, but each score of background music would be accompanied by a multitude of blank stares from every other person in the household.
5. The women do nothing, except scheme all day
If there’s one thing that we can be sure of, it’s that the women literally do nothing in soaps except walk around the house cooking up new schemes or with the rest of the members or go solo and talk to themselves about their own plans.
6. Endless expensive clothes and jewellery, even if you’re poor
No longer does it matter how much you earn or whether your family is in debt because even the poorest families own clothes that I wouldn’t be able to afford in real life. Not to mention they never seem to repeat outfits, ever!
7. If your hair is blowing in the wind, it’s love
If you see a guy and your hair suddenly starts blowing back even though there’s no sign of any breeze nearby, then there’s only one conclusion to this given situation; you’re in love. Or maybe you’re not in love, but soon you will be. Don’t worry guys, the wind knows what it’s doing.
8. Shattering glass means something bad is about to happen
Imagine dropping a glass while whipping up a cool shake in the kitchen. You’d think that the only thing you lost was the time it took for you to make the drink but no, soon every resident of the household will be upon you. It won’t be considered an honest mistake either, I’m pretty sure some old lady will push forward and declare it to be an ‘apshagun’. Brace yourself for a life where each mistake is a message from fate.
9. Slap! Slap! Slap!
What’s the worst that could happen when you show your report card to your parents or *gulp* go out on a date without permission? Your parents may stop talking to you, or worse, you get ‘the slap’. Not only does the sound echo through all eternity but they keep showing reruns of your slap in the future, you might even stagger back a few steps in agony, for there’s nothing compared to the desi dramatic slap.
10. Event? Occasion? Festival? The only entertainment is dance!
The only way to properly celebrate any event that may be taking place in your household is an impromptu dancing session. In real life, these sessions are mainly the drunk singles and their sloppy moves, but in soap opera dictated life? Everyone knows how to dance like a pro and not just dance, they actually manage to dance in proper coordination leading to life as a part of one giant musical extravaganza.
11. On holi, for once, everyone will actually wear white
Say goodbye to the tattered and torn clothes that our mother’s force us to sport ever holi out of fear of ruining our ‘good clothes’ cause finally, everyone will actually wear white! It’s a wonder how the colour stains will ever come off though, this has to be one of the worst ideas ever.
12. Problem? Pray
The one stop solution to each and every one of life’s problems is to pray. It doesn’t matter what religion you follow, all you have to do is head of to the temple, mosque, church or whatever of your choice and soon god will surely give you a sign.
13. If you can’t explain anything then the answer is ghosts
An increasing amount of Indian soaps these days have been going over to the other side and adding paranormal elements to their storylines to make things a little more unexpected for the audience.